My journey

I am 25, and I have never lived a "normal life". I have never held a steady full time job, I have never had friends, I have never been able to truly live.

I have severe Dysthymia and PTSD. Dysthymia is a type of depression that is different from that "common" depression you hear of called "Major Depressive Disorder". The main difference being that people with MDD get relief, their depression is deep but it comes in episodes. My depression, dysthymia, is a constant never ceasing illness that I never escape. People like me with dysthmia tend to be seen as "depressive personalities" since we are always so down it becomes essentially a part of who we are.

I am the exception, as though I have Dysthymia most people overall think I am normal, even bubbly. I smile, I laugh at everything, all because I have to. If I were to let down my mask people would ask me questions I cannot answer. I don't know why I have this, why I have to live like this...but I do.

After being like this my whole life, with only brief moments of normalcy due to strong prescription drugs, I have decided to do something drastic. I am going to do ECT, Electro Convulsive (shock) Therapy. It holds risks, but it also may give me the life I always wanted, a life where I am able to be and do all I wanted. This is my journey